With Eyes Wide Open
by Sumiregusa
Summary: "The night had been plagued by nightmares, and as Kenshin emerged from his room, quietly sliding the Shoji shut behind himself, he was glad it was over. Padding silently down the hall, he paused briefly at Kaoru's room, listening for only a moment to hear her peaceful, slumbering breaths, before heading towards the kitchen." Repost.


The night had been plagued by nightmares, and as Kenshin emerged from his room, quietly sliding the Shoji shut behind himself, he was glad it was over. Padding silently down the hall, he paused briefly at Kaoru's room, listening for only a moment to hear her peaceful, slumbering breaths, before heading towards the kitchen.

He hadn't had a night like that in quite a while now, he had to admit. It was as though every nightmare his wretched, guilt-stricken mind had ever come out with had haunted him, waking him violently and often. He hoped he hadn't cried out at all while his ghosts visited him, but vaguely remembered at one point sensing Kaoru's presence outside his door. She hadn't said anything, and after a moment, retreated back to her own room, but he couldn't help but worry about his disturbing her. If she knew that his most frequent and terrifying dreams were about her, she would be upset, maybe even angry. He never wanted her to know.

As he worked on preparing their breakfast, he couldn't seem to shake off the horror of the night he had just passed. If his mind wandered, even for an instant, he could see Kaoru crying, Kaoru bleeding, Kaoru afraid, Kaoru dead.

Stopping for a moment at the vivid images that plagued him, he swallowed hard and rubbed fiercely at his eyes to try and dispel the nightmares that somehow were still terrorizing him, even in the brightness of the new day. She was fine, he was fine, there was nothing to worry about. Kenshin took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing with the cooking.

"Good morning, Kenshin!" Kaoru chirruped as she entered the kitchen at her usual time. "It's so beautiful out today! Spring is finally here, I think!"

"Good morning, Kaoru-dono," he responded, keeping his voice cheerful with carefully practised ease. "Indeed, to see the sun this bright and the sky so blue is a welcome change from all the rain lately."

She smiled at him, and as was her habit, began to make the tea, "perhaps we could eat outside later, if it stays fine? I'm sure Yahiko is as fed up with being cooped up indoors as much as we are."

"Perhaps," he agreed, returning her smile fondly, enjoying her joy at such simple things in life. "But it still is not warm out, Kaoru-dono, so be sure and wrap up so you don't catch cold. Yahiko too."

"And you, Kenshin," she laughed, and nudged him playfully, "just because you don't feel the cold, doesn't mean you can ignore it, you know."

Kenshin chuckled at this, recognizing the old conversation as one they had shared often throughout their first winter together. She had often commented on his lack of winter clothes, giving him a few of her Fathers old Haori to wear, and switching between annoyance at his rarely wearing them, and marvelling at his ability to contain his body warmth when she herself was bundled up in as much clothing as she could manage.

She seemed almost envious of his natural body temperature, and on more than one occasion, when they had been holed up inside the house for days on end during snow storms, she had fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder, complaining of the cold whenever he finally woke her and moved away. Those had been some of the most peaceful moments of his life, and strangely, he found himself sorry to know that summer was on it's way.

Of course, he was relieved that she was less likely to get sick now. If he had worried about Kaoru's health before the onset of winter, after the multiple fevers she had suffered, it was ten times worse now. She had assured him each and every time that she always became like this throughout the colder months, and they never lasted for more than a few days at a time, but still, he knew a fever was a dangerous thing if left untreated. He had fussed and coddled her, and though she professed irritation with his constant concern, he knew that really, it had been a long time since she'd had someone else around to care for her.

"Morning!" Yahiko's loud voice from the engawa interrupted his silent musings, and he looked up from dishing up their food to see the young man entering the other room, "breakfast ready yet?"

"Yahiko, you're getting as bad as Sano was, you know that?" Kaoru reprimanded sternly, but seeing the fond sparkle in her eyes, he knew she didn't really mind, "you're lucky Kenshin thinks to make extra for you."

"Yeah yeah, whatever, Kaoru," the boy laughed, sitting at the table, apparently with no intention of offering help. "If it wasn't Kenshin cooking, I wouldn't eat here anyway."

Much to his surprise, Kaoru laughed quietly at this, placing the teapot and cups onto a tray carefully as she did so, before walking into the dining area. The sunshine really had made her happy it seemed, Kenshin mused as he followed her with the food.

As they both knelt and set the trays down, Kenshin looked up at Yahiko with a smile of greeting. He was a little taken aback when the young man paled considerably, jaw dropping with apparent shock.

"Wha... What's going on?" Yahiko stammered, looking fearfully between himself and Kaoru, who was now gracefully pouring the tea for the three of them, "Kenshin? Why are you...? Is everything... alright?"

Kenshin frowned with confusion, and as both he and Yahiko looked to Kaoru for clarification, she glanced between them both and blinked owlishly. Her bright blue eyes seemed to linger on him a little longer, but when she simply shrugged and smiled, Kenshin felt his worry dissipate into simple curiosity. Yahiko seemed to calm down too, and the rest of the meal was filled mostly by Kaoru exulting over the improved weather.

When they were done, Kenshin cleared the table and headed into the kitchen and began to heat water to wash the dishes in. as he looked down into the clear water, he caught sight of his reflection and took a sharp intake of breath at the sight that met him.

He only half listened as Kaoru sent Yahiko ahead to the Dojo to begin warm up while she entered too entered the kitchen to help him clear up. When she entered, he spun around to face her, shock causing his body to shake slightly as she looked up questioningly at him.

"Have I looked like this all morning?" he asked, pointing to his face, unsure if he felt annoyed or afraid of her not telling him of his current appearance.

She regarded him steadily for a moment before turning her back to him and placing the tray she held down onto the sideboard. "Looked like what all morning?"

"Kaoru!" he said, exasperation causing him to drop the much used honorific. "Like this! My eyes... they're... they aren't..."

Kenshin's voice trailed off miserably, as he looked down at the floor in shame. They were the eyes of a murderer. Eyes he had not seen on his face for a long while, and had hoped to never see again. The eyes that everyone associated with 'Battosai'. No wonder Yahiko had been so frightened when he had seen him. He suspected that the smile of friendly greeting must have looked like a sadistic death threat of some kind.

Suddenly, Kaoru's warm hands were on either of his cheeks, encouraging his gaze up to meet her own. She was smiling slightly, compassion and understanding graced her features, and by looking upon her with these dreaded eyes, he felt he was staining her in some crude way. He tried to look away again, but she held him firm, and much to his utter shock, leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his brow.

"They are still your eyes, Kenshin," she whispered, still smiling gently at him. "It just shows how much you care if your nightmares can affect you like this. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

Kenshin couldn't find the words he wanted, and had no choice but to stare back at her, heart touched by her words of acceptance. He did not deserve her, but he was glad she didn't agree with him. Without her, without her careful love of him, he knew he would be nothing now. She hadn't even flinched when he had first looked at her this morning, and had shrugged off the change of his visage to Yahiko as though it were nothing, because to her, it was. With a small sigh of relief, he leaned his forehead against hers and smiled slightly as she told him the words he needed to hear.

"I can always see you, Kenshin."

~End


End file.
